The massacre at Pulse club of mostly LGBT Latinx people and the straight/cis/white washing of that attack; the murder of Jo Cox and the inability to call such a thing a terrorist attack because the terrorist was white with a 'history of mental illness'; TERFS (trans-exclusionary radical 'feminists') bringing the transphobic argument against trans people using public bathrooms to the UK; and the general feeling of islamophobia + racism + male violence + toxic masculinity+fucking brexit, all mixed in with seeing fucking England flags everywhere I go this week because of the football has got me in a slump that's so hard to shake.
Doing your day job with people that might not talk about these things or talk about them in a wrong way is hard. Listening to family members talk incorrectly about immigration and racism is hard. Feeling everyone just carrying on as normal is hard. This week is nothing new, and racist and lgbt attacks and murders happen all the time.
I attended the vigil at Vauxhall Gardens on Tuesday night for the victims of the Pulse massacre which was organised and led by LGBT London Latinx. I hugged my chosen family and held them close, I cried, and it was cathartic and powerful. I went home last night after hearing about Jo Cox and I cried while my partner hugged me and I couldn't even stand up. I need my people around me this weekend. While it's not the real world and terrible things are happening and I can't even think about the referendum next week, I just want to exist in my queer bubble this weekend with my mates and with people who matter and aren't necessarily going to say the wrong thing, who are going to acknowledge the shitness of all of this, and who feel just as drained as I do.
So I'll be at Northwest Zine Fest tomorrow, flogging my photocopied bits of tat, chatting shit about Bruce Springsteen, pretending for one day that I can draw and it's ok that I made a comic with no drawing skills, and talking with people who get it and make stuff and feel drained too. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's new zines and seeing people be creative when I know it's not always easy to do that. I'm looking forward to reading about people's lives, seeing their art, seeing the new things that they have made. And I'm going to read my stupid YA fantasy book on the train about a bloody magic stone, I'm gonna treat myself to some percy pigs, and I'm hopefully gonna have a day where my chest doesn't feel so tight.
|Art by Saffa Khan|
Northwest Zine Fest is tomorrow Saturday 18th June, Islington Mill Salford from 11:30 - 4:40pm.